Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
