4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
