i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I pour the whiskey from now on
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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