my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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