I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Farmville is her only friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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