i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we should paint friendship bongs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
