that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
