her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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