My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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