I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
