I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
