Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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