WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
