It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
