Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
