He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
