i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
