Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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