Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
