Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
