Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
