Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
