The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
