great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
