coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We had sex on a dog bed..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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