you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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