I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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