so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
