D3 body, D1 cock
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
