Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
