Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
