Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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