my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
