i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
