Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am available for nakedness
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
