im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
