Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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