R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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