You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
