You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
