my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
