I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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