I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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