Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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