Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
