this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You are the jesus of drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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