shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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