we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
