i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
