I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
