Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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