hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
