eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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